she smiles at her handwriting usually

Summing up Life in Unsymmetrical Eyebrows

Staring deeply in to the bathroom sink mirror
A reflection of my life summed up in unsymmetrical eyebrows is all thats available to stare back.

My Life.
One moment I understand
The very next I don't remember
Only to find that I don't care

Later to become faced with burden over being apathetic.

Tinged with guilt. Restlessness. Searching.

Either a short lived epiphany will make itself available
or fear will have fed reluctance and I find myself
fallen back into a pre-packaged and labeled routine.

Where the process inevitably turns itself over to cycle
a modified repeat... again.

Staring deeply in to the bathroom sink mirror
A reflection of my life summed up in unsymmetrical eyebrows is again all thats available to stare back.

And I find all there is left... is to smile back.

she has a few stories

because it has been oh so long

and first i would just like you to know that i passed up the opportunity to stop in not only thrift stores but also a bead shop that is quite frankly NEVER open anymore. well, they are, apparently, but on a whim and conveniently never when i am around. on my way to the local jittery joes coffee shop now known as e-city java. but i think everyone still refers to it as jittery joes. which leads me to my second point, no matter how cool they can make the coffee shop on campus, it doesnt quite beat out the authentic coffee shop feel on a downtown main street. even if that street is awkwardly equipped with fish sculptures i am just now starting to understand.

lets see... so many things have happen i just dont know where to begin. i suppose it began when i dropped physics class. i am pretty certain that this is when my life began again. yeah, definitely. life is so much happier. maybe i will end up taking it in the long run.. but hopefully it will involve a better experience.
in its place i picked up an ACCEL course (adult program consisting of night classes). the course name sounded interesting but i quickly learned that its basically an informative history course on social work to give background for future classes. i was a little disappointed at first.. but you know its just not that bad. because the professor teaching it isnt a professor day in and day out. he has a job outside teaching. and he is a counselor for an agency here in Anderson. this adds an interesting twist to the course. here we have an adult night class that is from the start very relaxed, and we get what i think of as the privelage to hear about a case study every night. hearing from someone about the serious work that they do day in and day out adds a lot of interest. so much so that my interest in social work reestablished itself even after my first professor kicked it to the curb. its also definitely a reality check. hearing such heart wrenching stories makes you wonder if you really are experiencing the reality of life or if you are just caught up in a bubble filled with naivety.

This thought combined with the smell of ground coffee and feel of an old cushion in a scratched chair along with recent conversations with a friend concerning the necessity of life experienced and felt; only make the idea that life needs the smallest moments that touch our senses to be beautiful, and to be real.

this may seem vague. but it makes all the sense in the world to me.

Recently... my birthday happen. I will not get into how this made me feel other than the mix of realizing i was turning 22 with registering for my last semester and Anderson really messed up my attitude. and confused me.

4 things that made my birthday special:
(in no particular order because they are all very equal contributors to my birthday happiness)

* I received a text message from an unfamiliar number... telling me FELIZ CUMPLEANOS! a big hug! and god bless you my friend. ... from peru!!! my lovely friend Fiorella sent me text message. lol, this may seem silly but i had forgotten that we even exchanged phone numbers, perhaps because i never dreamed of talking on the phone to her since we are in different countries.
* Next I received a card from my friend Jo, this made my heart so happy, because it was so unexpected. I love this sneaky sneaky business of asking friends what your address is.
* And, at the care group I have been going to (bible studyish gathering focused on community extension for college ageish individuals branch off the church i have been going to) gave me a card!! this also made my heart oh so excited, once again because it was so unexpected. i love it.
* And, I had to work on my birthday. well, maybe had isnt quite the right way to put it. but i dont get to work much as it is so i couldnt really take the day off especially when i didnt really have plans in place of it anyway. and... my dear friends karrie and rachel surprised me at work.... with a cake! the best part is that we were so slow i got to sit down and eat birthday cake with them. I was so excited. i wasnt expecting to eat birthday cake. you take for granted your mama and grandma that made cakes for you on all your birthdays until you move seven hours away from home.

okay, last (ish) story. a couple of nights ago i left my night class intent on going to the grocery store to purchase items to go along with the chick peas that i was certain i had at home which would make an astonishingly yummy pasta salad. so i stop by the store, spend money on pasta, broccoli, cauliflower, tomatoes, feta cheese, italian dressing... make my way home start up the boiling of the pasta... and look in the cupboard only to see.... NO garbanzo beans!!!! this saddened me greatly. in fact i spoke to the cabinet claiming so. i went ahead with the process of making the salad, and went out to purchase a can of chick peas the very next morning. and yes, the salad was very very good. if i do say so myself. and well, it just so happens that i do.

our time now is drawing to a close.. but i will leave you with some pictures from a fun saturday morning that karrie and i spent mostly going from place to place but having some spectacular time at some waterfalls. it was good to get some karrie time in. i miss her in between those times, and i think i may get a little grumpy too.

For my dear Gillian

This post, and the chipmunk video preceding it (in German?!!!) are dedicated to Gillian. In Peru, unable to keep up with the latest trends in Anderson church 'amazingness'. I do hope you enjoy.



And just so you know... I had some serious issues trying to get your Lutheran photo... the first time.. it was dark and they didnt have it lit (whats up with that... i mean cmon now).. the second time... i almost pulled in until i realized there was a funeral procession coming out the door!!! the third time was a charm.. although there was one car in the parking lot so i was conviced they were going to come chasing after me to ask why on earth i was taking a picture of their church sign. However, I escaped safely with this photo.

The Chipmunk Adventure - Getting Lucky (German)

she hates celery.

dont ask me why i got the bright idea to see if i had outgrown my distaste for celery.
just dont.

she wishes she were speechless more often than not

tomorrow is my second and last day (of two) of fall break. theres a lot that i would like to do. a few things i have to do. a few i should do but probably wont. thats depressing.

If I could I would wake up and drive to the mountains and just spend the day there. Take a journal, take a book, but sometimes even those things get in the way of pure unrefined thinking. The sweet kind you wish you had caught down on paper because it seems immeasurably remarkable. And you come to conclusions and set beautiful goals. The kind that tickles your imagination and ignites a fire of passion for life you know can and was created to be greater. The kind that gets lost amidst the business of dos and donts and appropriateness and necessity of what you superficially refer to as the daily grind of your life. They get lost in the alarm clock, the shower, the toothbrush, the coffee. The coffee with a drop of half and half and two scoops of sugar. And you forget you had something so sweet until you have run yourself thin enough until the only action your senses know to take is to give up the resistance and give in to the sweet unrefined Love that loved you enough to start the process that you and your manipulative sin misdirected and let grow in the first place. The kind that captivates you with speechlessness once you surrender, and loves you without letting go.

she loves fall.

but hates the idea of winter coming and rushing in the necessity of wearing real shoes...
the kind that cover your toes.






random thought for today:

crochet is a beautiful topic to help start conversation with little old ladies. and its quite comical to watch the expressions change on their faces when they come to the realization that you know how when you are a college girl with a tattoo in a generation that doesnt really look fondly on the past time that doesn't involve anything technologically advanced, but some mere yarn and a metal hook.
i started up a conversation about crochet this morning with this lady at my internship. well, due to her stroke she can't talk yet which is very heart breaking to watch. she tries so hard too. since she can't communicate with words, you have to rely very heavily on whether or not she smiles or slightly nods her head. expressions are key. her eyes lit up when i mentioned crochet. so i can only estimate that she was excited, and looked surprised that i told her i knew how.
she is precious. and single handedly encompasses why i want to be an occupational therapist.
i have struggled emotionally with my internship... i am not able to do much more than observe, and the high light of my day is when i get to be an accessory to an exercise.. like being the receptacle for a patient moving cones from point A to point B with their stroke affected hand.
but then there are those small moments when the clouds break and God reminds me of the opportunities that lie waiting if we would only open our eyes.

sometimes it's easy to get caught up in what we can't do or what we have to do, and forget to enjoy what just is.