she hears 'life calling'

and she wants to go.
i am a little uneasy about advertising this information... because its kind of a big deal. and there is a lot of uncertainty involved, i suppose until the moment i step on a plane. but at least i can share with you my decision. this way then you only know that if it doesnt work out, i didnt back out of it but that my dreams were crushed because of a rejected application... ha.. ha.

but seriously. after some hardcore pros and cons lists and some serious considerations. ive thrown my hands in the air and practically screamed all systems go! i was sitting at a computer in the lab the other day and it just dawned on me. simple as can be, plain as day. the answer i have been looking for so intently.

i have decided to pursue a volunteer position with the peace corps.

now, let me break this down for you. this means that i have decided to fill out an application. this does not mean that i am guaranteed to leave the country. this also means that i have come to another small plateau about knowing myself/letting me be myself. however this does not mean that i have dismissed other options and am not aware that this is not set in stone.

it merely means that i have realized and accepted that i want something more for my life. and im going to try to take advantage of a possible opportunity.

more information to follow soon. but, i just had to share that i've finally found (or started listening to some) direction!

hmmm, yes. today was a good day indeed.
this song is awsome... thank you diana. you [the present reader of this blog] should check out the musical version.

Do I attract you? 
Do I repulse you with my queasy smile? 
Am I too dirty? 
Am I too flirty? 
Do I like what you like? 

I could be wholesome 
I could be loathsome 
I guess Im a little bit shy 
Why dont you like me? 
Why dont you like me without making me try? 

I try to be like Grace Kelly 
But all her looks were too sad 
So I try a little Freddie 
Ive gone identity mad! 

I could be brown 
I could be blue 
I could be violet sky 
I could be hurtful 
I could be purple 
I could be anything you like 
Gotta be green 
Gotta be mean 
Gotta be everything more 
Why dont you like me? 
Why dont you like me? 
Why dont you walk out the door! 

How can I help it 
How can I help it 
How can I help what you think? 
Hello my baby 
Hello my baby 
Putting my life on the brink 
Why dont yo like me 
[ these lyrics found on http://www.completealbumlyrics.com ]
Why dont you like me 
Why dont you like yourself? 
Should I bend over? 
Should I look older just to be put on the shelf? 

I try to be like Grace Kelly 
But all her looks were too sad 
So I try a little Freddie 
Ive gone identity mad! 

I could be brown 
I could be blue 
I could be violet sky 
I could be hurtful 
I could be purple 
I could be anything you like 
Gotta be green 
Gotta be mean 
Gotta be everything more 
Why dont you like me? 
Why dont you like me? 
Why dont you walk out the door! 

Say what you want to satisfy yourself 
But you only want what everybody else says you should want 

I could be brown 
I could be blue 
I could be violet sky 
I could be hurtful 
I could be purple 
I could be anything you like 
Gotta be green 
Gotta be mean 
Gotta be everything more 
Why dont you like me? 
Why dont you like me? 
Why dont you walk out the door!

Mika: Grace Kelly