she officially starts the preparation

the library is an eerie place at night.
but the internet cafe at our apartment place is even eerier.
well, the library is just not fun at night, can't get much done because of other's study techniques including taking frequent laughing fests usually accompanied by physical interpretation. i can usually avoid being distracted by this if i take something to listen to... but that never works out because i think i am part of the whatever% of the population that standard ear phones dont work for. i may be able to keep a scarf on my head for a limited period of time but i sure cant keep tiny speakers spouting comfort music in my ears.

i was trying to get my peru application finished up tonight, which i thought to be a small task. then i got to the personal testimony part. and well, you know how sometimes i have a lot to say even when i don't think i do?...

but nonetheless i am so excited. each small step makes the experience feel that much more real.
and that makes my heart happy.
no matter how much havoc the rest of my life is in.

and im bringing back the lyrics if not for just one night:
(this is what i think is part of All We Know by Austin Crane, whom I was listening to tonight when I was having a mental breakdown over having two tests tomorrow and physics in general. physics makes me feel very broken. anyway, when this part started up it was one of those epiphanyish moments for me, and i put down the physics book [i was mid studying and trying to sift through my utter confusion] and started on the peru application.)

I looked up just to see if you cared

I felt the sunlight illuminating the air

And I knew that we weren’t alone

Its never gonna go

Were saying praise the lamb

Who was dead now risen

And I am alive

Once dead now im forgiven

We’ll be shakin off our shoes

And runnin through the streets

Yellin wake up your windows everywhere we meet

And maybe fire will fall and we wont need legs or feet

Or will the credits just roll

As we admit the defeat of our plans

We’re not as strong as we hoped well

We give to confusion its all we know